How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
