Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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