Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
