"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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