Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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