I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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