She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
pray to the hookup gods
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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