Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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