I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
