as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
