first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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