Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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