I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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