real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
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Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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