Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
