Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
