If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
