I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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