I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
