so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
