the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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