ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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