I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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