i was born a porn star she said
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
