hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize