The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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