Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
