Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
