Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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