I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize