Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
