Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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