i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
