I think im going to throw up on grandma
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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