i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
