Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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