capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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