I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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