I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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