Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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