Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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