I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
