im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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