i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
