he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
