he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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