That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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