But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
