pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
