Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
