Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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