I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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