So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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