So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
