sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
