When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
