He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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