They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
