your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize