i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
