i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
