When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
