i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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