I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
