So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
