My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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