you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
