Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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