youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
