I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
