Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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