Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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