Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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