Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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