There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
