the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
