see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
