we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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