It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
