Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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